In an anticipation and excitement for the return of All My Children and One Life to Live online, writer Mark Brennan Rosenberg posted a hilarious and insightful blog of soaps most infamous plot devices and how they can relate to our own lives, well sort of, in a new post today at Huffington Post entitled, “21 Life Lessons I Learned From Soap Operas!”
Rosenberg prefaces his life lessons learned from the soaps by stating, “There’s simply no reason not to watch these shows (AMC & OLTL) and since they begin filming again next week, now is the perfect time to get excited about soap operas again. Everything I have ever learned about life was acquired by my soap opera pathos. Because TV, is, in fact, just like real life, here are the 21 life lessons I’ve learned from soap operas.”
Here now are a few excerpts of some of Rosenberg’s 21 life lessons learned from the soaps, but make sure to check out all the rest on the list!
1. If you’re going to “accidentally” hit someone with a car, make sure it’s not yours – “Duh. If you are in hysterics, driving down a country road at 90 miles an hour and accidentally plow over a woman (who of course you know by name and is most likely pregnant) it’s always best that you’ve borrowed a friends car beforehand. And even though you didn’t mean to do, you will deny that you hit said woman with your car until the day you die. If all else fails, you can always blame Lindsay Rappaport.”
2. Time Stands Still – “What may seem like days, weeks or years of your life going by mean absolutely nothing. Because life is like a soap opera, you’ll often find yourself in the same outfit, in the same room, fighting about the same thing for an endless period of time. The problem will most likely never be resolved. I know, because it happens to me all the time.”
3. Time Flys By.- “You may be in the same outfit you were wearing last week, but your child has aged rapidly while you were busy fighting with your arch nemesis in the living room for the past five weeks. Just yesterday he was in diapers, today he’s getting girls pregnant and trying drugs. Kids on TV are boring unless they’re stirring up some kind of bullshit, so hang onto those fleeting childhood moments — because they won’t last long.”
14. You Can Come Back With A New Face. - “Feel like leaving town for a bit? Go ahead — and feel free to come back with an entirely new face. Not only that, no one will ever question that you have a different voice, height and facial expressions than you did before.”
17. So You Thought You Had An Abortion… - “Well… think again. That fetus you thought you aborted 25 years ago was actually put into another woman, carried to term and is now a doctor… who’s out for revenge against YOU! Because hospital doors are literally NEVER locked, it’s easy to do something like this. It’s also effortless to switch DNA and paternity tests which is great because you’ll most likely need to do that twice in your lifetime at the very least.”
So soapers, what did you think of the 21 Life Lessons I Learned from Soap Operas? Any more you wish to add? And, which was your favorite? Let us know, as we get ready for the kick-off of production for OLTL and AMC very soon!